hero.

go keith go.

one step forward, two steps back. fuck section 8 for raining on our parade.

text message this afternoon.

"Thank god we live in a democracy where our founding fathers had the foresight to create term limits. Emperor George W. Bush is a horrifying thought. No matter who wins it won't change who we are or who & what we hold dear. Even if I disagree with many of his ideas, I do believe Obama has the best interests of our country in mind. Only time will tell. Love you, Dad."

Maverick my ................

The Nation
Who You Callin’ a Maverick?

Article Tools Sponsored By
By JOHN SCHWARTZ
Published: October 4, 2008

There’s that word again: maverick. In Thursday’s vice-presidential debate, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska, the Republican candidate, used it to describe herself and her running mate, Senator John McCain, no fewer than six times, at one point calling him “the consummate maverick.”

But to those who know the history of the word, applying it to Mr. McCain is a bit of a stretch — and to one Texas family in particular it is even a bit offensive.

“I’m just enraged that McCain calls himself a maverick,” said Terrellita Maverick, 82, a San Antonio native who proudly carries the name of a family that has been known for its progressive politics since the 1600s, when an early ancestor in Boston got into trouble with the law over his agitation for the rights of indentured servants.

In the 1800s, Samuel Augustus Maverick went to Texas and became known for not branding his cattle. He was more interested in keeping track of the land he owned than the livestock on it, Ms. Maverick said; unbranded cattle, then, were called “Maverick’s.” The name came to mean anyone who didn’t bear another’s brand.

Sam Maverick’s grandson, Fontaine Maury Maverick, was a two-term congressman and a mayor of San Antonio who lost his mayoral re-election bid when conservatives labeled him a Communist. He served in the Roosevelt administration on the Smaller War Plants Corporation and is best known for another coinage. He came up with the term “gobbledygook” in frustration at the convoluted language of bureaucrats.

This Maverick’s son, Maury Jr., was a firebrand civil libertarian and lawyer who defended draft resisters, atheists and others scorned by society. He served in the Texas Legislature during the McCarthy era and wrote fiery columns for The San Antonio Express-News. His final column, published on Feb. 2, 2003, just after he died at 82, was an attack on the coming war in Iraq.

Terrellita Maverick, sister of Maury Jr., is a member emeritus of the board of the San Antonio chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union of Texas.

Considering the family’s long history of association with liberalism and progressive ideals, it should come as no surprise that Ms. Maverick insists that John McCain, who has voted so often with his party, “is in no way a maverick, in uppercase or lowercase.”

“It’s just incredible — the nerve! — to suggest that he’s not part of that Republican herd. Every time we hear it, all my children and I and all my family shrink a little and say, ‘Oh, my God, he said it again.’ ”

“He’s a Republican,” she said. “He’s branded.”

wisconsin dells

i had the weirdest dream last night about being late for melissa's wedding. her sister was dressed as a caterpillar and was small enough to fit in my hand. i went to the mall to kill time before the ceremony. i went to some crazy underground club where i found jackie burris dancing ballet dressed in a goth costume with some kind of rapper. i fell asleep on the floor and while i was sleeping the goth kids took my shoes and spent all the money on my credit cards. i couldn't figure out how to get out of the mall and it was getting dark. i kept wanting to wake up and i remember very distinctly looking at the backs of my eyelids and begging them to open. before i woke up i had a dream that i woke up. i hate that!

have you ever, have you ever

teevee

i get so sick of hippies ripping on television. "television inspires consumption, i don't watch tv, i'm so awesome." television only inspires consumption for the weak minded. are you telling me that if you watched tv you would be forced, by commercials, to buy shit you don't need? isn't that a problem with YOU?
i just watched the half of the first season of californication with david duchovny. and it was fucking awesome. the characters are well developed. the plot is interesting. i'm completely obsessed and i don't feel dumberer! it's miraculous!
i mean, i read. television is like novel through IV. no work, all play and sometimes that's what i need. and why do hippies always have to TELL you that they don't watch tv?? i don't tell everyone that i DO watch television. i don't wear a teeshirt that says "i watch teevee." maybe i should make one.

done and done.

sarah palin. wow.

and they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

know who i hate? runners. it's not the running that bothers me, really, it's the attitude. the "my-day-starts-with-a-thirty-mile-run-i'd- like-to-see-you-be-that-motivated-fattie" attitude. i can't imagine real runner types having fun. though i can imagine them at home on a friday all, "i don't want to go out tonight because i have my run tomorrow morning and you know how i get if i don't run." why do they need all that exercise anyway? i wonder if they're addicted to endorphins. maybe their bodies don't naturally produce as many endorphins as normal people's so the only time they feel happy is when they're heart rate is up. maybe they sold their souls to the devil in exchange for eternal life the only condition being that they must run every day of it FOREVER.

i knew i was going to hate my methods teacher before i knew she was a runner. she has this pinched up face and a whiny voice and when you tell her things she only ever half listens. her skin is all wrinkly, like she's had too much sun, but the perpetual scowl tells me that she hasn't been lounging at the beach or climbing mountains or anything that might bring one real joy. bet she gets all that sun damage running around williamsville in tighty shorts while most people are still sleeping. she's not even one of those "highly efficient people" who never procrastinate and have their schedule in an hour-to-hour planner. she's actually really disorganized. and unprepared. and her clothes don't match.

why won't she just give me my methods grades. why?! i sent her a hundred emails. she's only responded to one, just yesterday saying:

"I'll submit your grade today."

but the grade isn't posted! why couldn't she tell me my grade in the email she took the trouble to send me? i bet if you're reading this you know why...i do. it's because i'm getting a C. I can smell a C a mile away and I'm getting one. my GPA is a 3.95 and she's going to fuck it all up just because she doesn't like me. i hate runners. or maybe athletes in general. i'm going to spend the rest of my night doing what i feel is the opposite of what my methods teacher would want: watching weeds and eating peanut butter covered pretzels while i brood.

do you find it hard, remembering?

apparently when i pulled out of a parking spot i bumped someones car so gently that i didn't even notice and am now being sued or something. what's worse than being sued? worse: the buffalo police dept sending threatening letters to mike's FATHER under whom the car is registered. i want to see pictures of the "damage" done to this car. i want to know right now if i can see this damage without a magnifying glass.

i can't fucking sneeze in this city without someone trying to arrest me and it makes me want to do things that are worth arresting me for. alofkasjdlfajsdfahsfjklasfdklj! bah!

i haven't had a "weekend" all summer. i've had a total of four days off this month. work is insane, mike's gonna kill me, and fafsa won't send me a new PIN so that i can accrue some more debt and maybe/maybe not finish school (finally) this year.

someone, hurry up and give me another parking ticket. THIS WEEK DOESN'T SUCK ENOUGH.

i'm all in a ball on your front lawn.

shake
shake
shake
shake the frame of this house
distress the wood make it shout
oh oh ohaaohhh
and as sharp as i sting, as sharp as i sing
it still soothes you, doesn't it?
like a lick of icecream.

Paris Hilton's mom calls McCain's ad a 'waste of money'

WASHINGTON (AP) — Paris Hilton's mother doesn't share John McCain's sense of humor.

McCain, the Republican presidential candidate, said last week that his campaign ad mocking Democrat Barack Obama with images of Hilton and singer Britney Spears was part of an attempt to inject humor into the presidential race.

On Sunday, Hilton's mother, Kathy Hilton, a McCain donor, registered her disapproval.

"It is a complete waste of the country's time and attention at the very moment when millions of people are losing their homes and their jobs," Kathy Hilton said in a short article posted on the liberal Huffington Post Web site. "And it is a completely frivolous way to choose the next president of the United States."

The ad plays on Obama's popularity by dismissing him as a mere celebrity, like Hilton and Spears. The Obama campaign has said the ad is proof that McCain would rather launch negative attacks than debate important issues.

McCain on Friday denied that his campaign had taken a negative turn, saying, "We think it's got a lot of humor in it, we're having fun and enjoying it."

Kathy Hilton, however, was unpersuaded, calling the ad "a complete waste of the money John McCain's contributors have donated to his campaign."

Kathy Hilton and her husband donated a total of $4,600 to McCain's campaign earlier this year.

donovan.

People used to get together round a fire,
Fishes were cooked, songs were sung
Moonlight used to guide our way home in the dark
Do you find it hard remembering?

And still you people tell me life is easy to get on with
But what I’ve got so far’s enough to get along with
People tell me that it’s so – oh - oh
I don’t know anymore, I don’t know

People used to get together round a problem
Eyes were looked at tongues were true
People used to stop and say how do you do
Do you find it hard remembering?

And still you people tell me life is easy to get on with
But what I’ve got so far’s enough to get along with
People tell me that it’s so – oh - oh
I don’t know anymore, I don’t know

People used to spend an hour making tea
Easy easy was the rule
People used to pause to think and contemplate
He who hurried was the fool

And still you people tell me life is easy to get on with
But what I’ve got so far’s enough to get along with
People tell me that it’s so – oh - oh
I don’t know anymore, I don’t know.

Obama accused of (*gasp*) popularity!

days.

+:

1. napping
2. DUNE
3. krazy glue
4. cleaning
5. weddings
6. so you think you can dance
7. batman
8. brothers
9. hair-dos
10. snacks

-:

1. beer
2. bridesmaid dresses
3. strapless bras
4. cleaning
5. calories
6. cars
7. mornings
8. humidity
9. boyfriends
10. debt

HA!

laryan425: I love your bangs
laryan425: but now you are not going to look like the soy joy girl
laryan425: dad and I always say "awww, there's jenna!"

we are stardust, we are golden.

i've been hanging out with some of mike's friends from work. last week we watched this amazing Hayao Miyazaki movie called Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. It came out in 1984. Mike said that the US got crocidile dundee and Japan got Valley of the Wind. nofair.



so the guy who showed us the Miyazaki has a girlfriend who graduated with me at liverpool. it was weird to hang out with her now cause last time i saw her was in french class when i was so pathetic and wanting so badly to be awesome. she looks the same, is the same. i look pretty different now that i'm not trying to buy up the sale rack at american eagle just so that people will leave me alone. they told me those four years would be the best. that i looked great. they had a sick sense of humor.

chase graduated this past weekend. crazy. i'm loving the co-op. drinking kombucha. keeping up with my little projects. this week: bread! i made banana, zucchini cheddar, and multi-grain. the multi-grain bread is so yummy. it has honey, cornmeal, sunflower seeds, and oats in it. mm! my plants are getting taller and taller. i bought some more cages for my tomatoes from urban roots. they are so great there. i want to become a member. also, i'm obsessed with this magazine that i just discovered. it is giving me all sorts of inspiration for new crafts.

last night.

it's like going on vacation for a day.

it's like if upstate new york were in narnia.

it's like a honky night time dance someplace humid.

it's like looking at eli with his shirt off.

dreams.

i had a dream last night that i was in the pink (local dive) wearing my slippers and carrying my favorite stuffed animal. a lot of kids from liverpool were there, including my highschool crush. i said hello to him but he didn't recognize me. on the walk home i found myself in the neighborhood i grew up in. i spent the rest of the dream wandering around, lost, in my pajamas.

Congratulations to Barack Obama!!
Now get that damned Hillary on the ticket so we can WIN this thing!!

and I really miss what really did exist..

i now work at the lexington co-op with the rest of buffalo. i wonder if they'll haze me. wendy is my boss. great, right? i'm super happy to be working there. i'm going to eat curried chicken salad every single day. i'm obsessed with this okkervil river song, "for real." i can't wait to go to camp this weekend. it's going to rock. i'm cheery. also: oak orchard swamp is the best.

and if you want it to be real
come over for one night
and we can really, really climb

last night...

explained in a bulletin from Tatiana:

Help me say "Hasta La Vista" to Buffalo in $tyle! One Night Only, Featuring an Unforgiving set by those All-Summer-Night GlowRing-Cicada-Haze Party Rockers: FASHION EXPO 1990!
Come help ignite the Solar Flare of My Exiting! Nobody said you can't treat yourself once in a while...

Details: Music by Fashion Expo 1990/BYODM (Bring Your Own Dirty Martini's)/Bryan in a Dress(?)/More Men w/o Pants/Sensual Excess/The Profane Pleasures of Material Existence/Couple People Kissing Probably...

112 elmwood, go in the south side of the building and take the stairs, you fucking retard.

McBush.

bully hill.

i had the best time visiting kris at bhv. her house is beautiful. her wine is delicious. her friends are silly:
i think my favorite part was sitting in unmowed grass, looking out over keuka lake and talking about regular stuff. we don't have stars in buffalo. thanks fer sharing yers, k!

i'm happy that it's summertime. i put my vegetable plants out on the porch. the wind wrecked two of my tomato plants but the peppers are thriving. i also love summertime clothes though i'm currently only a plate of nachos away from obese. for those of you who have to see me in shorts: i'm sorry... i was very hungry after my last diet.

i watched 'the invasion.' you know, with nicole kidman. it was a lot like the body snatchers movie except that these aliens can only take over your body if you fall asleep. nice twist, i thought. i'm really excited for that new shyamalan movie, 'the happening.' comes out the thirteenth of june. friday the thirteenth. eep! watch the trailer! spooky, right?

also: double dose of LOST this thursday. can't wait for that. why can hurley see charley? why does kate have claire's baby? why is jack such a lush?? ahh!?

the onion

Desperate Hillary To Obama: 'Next Vote Wins'

May 19, 2008 | Issue 44•21

WASHINGTON—Significantly trailing Sen. Barack Obama in delegates, Sen. Hillary Clinton made a last-ditch effort to settle the hotly contested presidential race Monday, when she loudly shouted a proposal that the candidate who gets the next vote wins the Democratic nomination. "All sides have battled long and hard, and now it is time to take up a fair and impartial method for deciding this: next vote takes all," Clinton said, adding that she was crossing her fingers behind her back to ensure that the electoral process is allowed to take its course. "Although I am open to discussing the feasibility of implementing a best-two-out-of-three policy, it has become clear the only way to settle this historic campaign is whoever can run to that door first—go!" Members of the Obama campaign disputed the results of the footrace, pointing out that the Illinois senator had long ago called for ace of black magic times infinity with no backsies.

thrift in liverpool

done with school!

finished this semester. pfffffhh. saw my 311 prof this morning to review my portfolio. i'd been worrying endlessly about this class. when i got to my meeting i basically started to cry. wow, right? she said that i "disengaged" at the end of the semester. i told her that i hadn't meant to. i don't think she believed me. oh well. i hope i dont get a C. fizzle.

it was my dad's surprise 50th birthday party this past weekend. super fun! i love golfing. i love mom and dad. mike got a job at the lexington co-op. i get 19% off my grooceries too! he says if i break up with him he's taking back the discount. meanie. the other night a friend of my mom's said that her daughter's favorite teacher is named mr. meaney. how great is that???

on my way to syracuse i put my mc donalds cup down on my leg and when i picked it up there was a happy face shaped water mark on my blue jeans. i think the divine being smiled at me a little. a little, "hey wats up grrl?!"

"hey" to you too.

woo woo woo woo woo

I got a JOB!

fashion expo mikey.

<3

bon iver.

i cleaned out my closet today. it's weird how much people like their stuff (myself included). even stuff that serves no purpose. maybe-ripped stockings. old doll-house furniture. sewing mishaps. clothes that don't fit me, have never fit me, never will. cds i never listen to. porcelain figures from the rose tea packages. boxes of things that i love, that are broken, that need super glue. badly patterned scarves my nana gave me. purses with ripped linings. shirts that need buttons. jeans that need patching. pictures with someone's thumb in the frame. earrings that have lost their match. beads. stickers. letters. every year i throw them away and every spring i find them in my closet, back from the dead. kristin's right, bon iver couldn't be better for these things:

Sold my cold knot
A heavy stone
Sold my red horse for a venture home
To vanish on the bow --
Settling slow

Fit it all, fit it in the doldrums
(Or so the story goes)
Color the era
Film it's historical

My mile could not
Pump the plumb
In my arbor 'till my ardor
Trumped every inner inertia
Lump sum

All at once
Rushing from the sub-pump
(Or so the story goes)
Balance we won't know
We will see when it gets warm.

end of winter open.

stinkosaurus rex

stoopid.
new life plan:
move back in with my parents.
pop bike tires.
break up with bf.
alienate friends.
get drug habit.
die.

dashing new life plan:

easy, 14 step program:

1. get a part-time job immediately. enroll in 3-9 graduate credits.
2. work 50 hrs a week for the second half of the summer. be a good babysitter.
3. pay off the credit card, put some money away (preferrably in a bond--you know, something that can't be taken to the bar).
4. work part time all fall. save some loan money (in bonds, as menntioned). rock at school. get more A's.
5. work part time all spring. save more money. get more A's.
6. work part time and take 3-6 credits for 1st half of summer 2009.
7. be a super babysitter for one last 1/2 summer. think about how much the kids have grown. cry.
8. apply for teaching jobs. lots of them. and nanny backup jobs.
9. save more money, save more money, save more money!
10. GRADUATE!!!
11. move to NYC with michael, first month's rent, deposit, and a 1000 dollars CASH MONEY YO. teaching job and prosh apartment in brooklynn awaiting.
12. start teaching september 2009. hug my first paycheck, eyes brimming with tears.
13. rock the house, rock the house, rock the house. be the best teacher ever for two whole years. all the while (i know i know) saving money.
14. now here comes the most awesome and badass part: Apply to Columbia University's Educational Policy doctorate program!!!
    

and from there my fantasy becomes a little foggy...
i would love to think that in ten years i'll be some hot shot ed-policy person, maybe a dean or a super cool prof with hip reading glasses and ikea furniture but i'll probably just end up back in Buffalo with an average-joe teaching job maybe making a few thousand more than my co-workers cuz i'm a "doctor" drinking crappy drip coffee all-the-while and never amount to much of anything.

it'll be so worth it.

everything in its right place.

it's cold again. robyn left buffalo. major bummer. i think i'm almost ready to leave buffalo myself. i donno, like i was saying in my last entry, i used to be more excited about life. i suspect that i've done as much in buffalo that i can do, for now. made as many friends as i'm going to make, worked at all the restaurants, applied at all the boutiques. i'm ready for something fresh! i'd really like to notice things again. my friends, my boyfriend, have become like comfortable furniture. talking to them is like brushing my teeth. chewing. breathing. i want to see these people, and myself in a new context. i want to live in a new neighborhood. someplace big enough to have a real public transportation system.

it's another world, but it's something more than ordinary.

oh man, i spent the past couple of hours archiving some of my old livejournal entries (2003 & 2004). it's too bad that i started that livejournal my sophomore year of undergraduate instead of my freshman. after only a dozen entries my shiny niagara bubble popped. on my 19th birthday. retrospectively, my birthday disaster (involving a boy i liked and a blond friend wearing a cowboy hat) was relatively minor but it did change me. until then most of my new friendships at college were simple and happy. i guess i believed that things would go on that way until we all left. and most of us left before graduation. one friend moved out of state and two quit college all together. i went to ireland, in desperation, studied in limerick and then finished my degree at UB. i have two regrets:

one: i wish that i had waited until i was older to study abroad. i was very lonely when i was there and made a lot of mistakes. lots of good mistakes too of course, but i could have made them at 21 rather than 19.

two: i wish that when i moved to buffalo i had left my life at niagara behind me. instead i tried to take niagara with me; dragged my old friends through too many messy changes. i wronged and i was wronged and i would not give up; i couldn't let go. i don't have those friendships anymore and sometimes it makes me sad. i wish that i had come to buffalo, met my old friends for coffee, got together on holidays and sent postcards. met for reunion bbqs in the summertime, listened to music "for old time's sake;" you know, things that people do with their old friends. i did eventually let that life go, too little too late, and spent the years until now watching those old friends fall apart and getting myself into trouble from the sidelines. i suppose it wasn't all my fault. it's just a damn shame.

i had such high hopes, moving into that first apartment on Lexington!! My brothers helped us clean the place up, my pantry was stocked...and in two weeks i had less than 30$/week for groceries, 4 parking tickets, a leaky ceiling and a gaggle of dead houseplants. it was still fun. it's been an experience, reading back on all of those old entries. i'm the same person. well, i'm richer, thinner, and a better speller so not entirely the same. i downloaded all of the songs i wrote about and they have been making me feel all kinds of things. mostly happy though. the thing i'm most happy about, is that all of my experiences brought me to buffalo. to my lovely apartment. to mike and danielle.

i hope that this summer is fun. i think i'm going to plant some of my peppers and tomatoes in the community garden. it's been really nice to do summertime things again. grilling on the porch, riding my bike to school...life is so much easier when the sun is shining. it truly is.

do you remember when we met...

+:

1. sunshine
2. light beer
3. lancelot (my bike)
4. cat power
5. mini weber
6. plants
7. macaroni salad
8. fresh air
9. paper streamers
10. saying goodbye to winter

-:

1. 7-10 pm classes
2. math scrapbooking
3. journal entries for class
4. reader response logs
5. the civil war
6. hillary clinton
7. biting my lip
8. putting air in my bike tires
9. money
10. doing my taxes

vegetables!

coming along nicely!

mugs: